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Sean Spicer’s Press Briefing Went Well Today

Not fired yet.

Donald Trump is back in America, and Sean Spicer, instead of being YOU’RE FIRED (yet), took the podium on Tuesday to take questions from the dishonest, failing press. Oy, it was not good. Maybe Spicer’s feelings are still hurt from not getting to cuddle with the pope, or maybe he’s reached a point where he’s literally dead inside and knows nothing more of life at this point besides spewing lies for Trump. We don’t know. Let’s count the ways Tuesday’s press briefing was literally the worst.

Spicer says Trump’s relationship with Angela Merkel, who hates him, is magically delicious.

This weekend, after Donald Trump’s appalling trip to NATO and the G7, German Chancellor Angela Merkel basically said all bets are off on the old ways of doing things, where the United States would do icky things like “defend our European allies.” Trump doesn’t like democratically elected leaders with normal-sized hands, so why should America have to defend them, especially if they don’t PAY UP? (Pssssst and SPOILER: Trump does not know how NATO works.)

After Sean Spicer bitched about how the press coverage of Trump’s obviously successful big boy foreign trip was mean and fake, he was asked about the relationship between Trump and Merkel, and here is what he said in reply:

I think the relationship that the president has had with Merkel, he would describe as fairly unbelievable.

Wait, what was that?

I think the relationship that the president has had with Merkel, he would describe as fairly unbelievable.

OK …

Uh, they get along very well, he has a lot of respect of her, they continue to grow the bond that they had during their talks in the G7.

The mean reporter asked about Merkel’s comments about how Europe can no longer rely on the United States, and Spicer replied by reading her comments verbatim, and saying they were GOOD COMMENTS, because she said the words “IN FRIENDSHIP,” Glenn, WRITE THAT, GLENN, SHE SAID “IN FRIENDSHIP!” (Just kidding, fake news, the question was not from Glenn and Spicer did not angrily address his response to Glenn for no reason.) Spicer also said her comments were good because Trump wants those gross Europeans to fend for themselves more, presumably so Trump can spend more time in bed with Vladimir Putin and that Filipino dictator murderer guy. How is that not a good thing?

Related (PROBABLY FAKE) news: According to “senior U.S. intelligence official,” Germany doesn’t want any American help in protecting the integrity of their upcoming elections, because LOL obvious.

Sean Spicer does not deny that Jared Kushner tried to do back channels with Russia, but he doesn’t NOT deny it either, but anyway, back channels are just great, NOT THAT HE IS SAYING THERE WERE BACK CHANNELS.

Washington Post reporter Philip Rucker asked Spicer whether Trump knew his little skeevy son-in-law Jared was trying to make premarital same-sex back channel coitus to the Muscovites:

What your question assumes is a lot of facts that are not substantiated by anything but anonymous sources that are so far being leaked out. … You’re asking if he approves of an action that is not a confirmed action. That being said, I think Secretary Kelly and General McMaster have both discussed, that in general terms, back channels are an appropriate part of diplomacy. […]

I’m not going to get into it, but your question pre-supposed facts that are not confirmed.

All right then! But wait, said Francesca Chambers from The Daily Mail! Did Donald Trump not retweet a stupid Fox News thing JUST THIS MORNING that said yep, Jared talked about back channels with the Russians, but the Russians started it, and besides they were the good kind of back channels, not the bad kind? Yes, yes he did! And didn’t that Fox News fluff piece quote an “anonymous source” (probably Jared)? Yes that also!

‘Splain, Spicer:

I think what I just said speaks for itself.

No it …

Oh fuck it.

Spicer closed by saying something something Jared’s lawyer, something something the Steele Dossier is fake, blah blah blah, the end.

Sean Spicer has never asked Donald Trump, who is very shy, about his belief that climate change is a Chinese hoax created by the Chinese, what he thinks about climate change.

Seriously, what does Trump think about climate change? Nobody’s ever asked about that before!

MSNBC’s Kyle Griffin compiled a bunch of Trump tweets, pictured above, about how global warming is FAKE and all the polar bears are HAPPY and windmills make bald eagles CRY and if global warming is REAL then why are all the Russian pee hookers making YELLOW SNOW in JULY? HUH? ANSWER THAT!

Anyway, Spicer has never talked to Donald Trump about any of this, therefore how could he possibly know?

Also the mean press corps booed poor Sean Spicer.

They did:


 
Oh well, better luck next time, Spicey, if there even IS a next time. And this is the time for your OPEN THREAD!

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Source: Politics – Wonkette

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