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Let’s Read Carter Page’s Batshit Testimony Together, While Wonkette Liveblogs It!

sharpest knife in the drawer

Good morning! Grab three pots of coffee and settle in with yr Wonkette, as we have important reading to do together! If your outside looks like our outside, it is cold and rainy and autumn and ugh and yuck, so it is a very good time to settle in with a good book, and today’s selection is dumbest Russian recruit ever Carter Page’s testimony before the House Intelligence Committee, which happened behind closed doors last week.

The transcript was released last night, and if you are a Twitter person, you were probably awake LOLing at it for too many hours, because SHIT IS CRAZY. Here is an example, from when Page is being cross-examined (strongly!) by Rep. Trey Gowdy, who is usually A Idiot, but who in this case decided to be a lawyer. How many times did Page get questioned by the FBI in the 2016, because he is VERY CAUTIOUS, therefore he does not “take notes”:

Here’s another exchange with your new BFF, Democratic ranking member Rep. Adam Schiff. After his summer 2016 trip to Russia, Page emailed Trump people promising “some incredible insights and outreach I received from a few Russian legislators and senior members of the Presidential administration here.” That sure does sound to us like he got some incredible insights and outreach from Russian legislators and senior members of the Presidential administration there in Russia, but apparently that is because we are stupid, because Page OBVIOUSLY just meant he wanted to tell the Trump campaign about all the Russian TV shows he watched in his hotel:

Are you convinced that this testimony is your new favorite thing in the world? Are you wondering if Page is playing like he’s an actually insane dipshit on purpose? The correct answers are “yes!” and “possibly.”

So here is how this will work: HERE is the link for the testimony. We are going to make another pot of coffee and read, and as we find hilarious things to make jokes about, we will post them here, liveblog style! You will either read along with us and find your own hilarious things to post in the comments (recommended), or you will let us do all the reading for you while you keep refreshing this page every so often (lazy, but OK, fine, if you have a “job” or something). Are you ready? LET’S READ THINGS!

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[Carter Page testimony]

Source: Politics – Wonkette

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