07182019What's Hot:

Joe Scarborough Has Finally Stopped Crying

This is what it would look like if Joe and Mika were young parents of a stolen Wonkette Baby.
All better now

Lovely Wonkers, we have an update to a story we brought you Monday. You see, Morning Mika’s TV husband Joe Scarborough was VERY GRRR ARGH over reports that he had partied it up with Donald Trump on New Year’s Eve at Mar-A-Lago, just because he and Mika had been spotted at the New Year’s Eve party at Mar-A-Lago with Donald Trump. Unfair! How would anybody possibly think anything untoward was going on, between Joe, Mika and the president-elect they call a pal and Joe advises sometimes? Unreasonable lamestream media!

So Joe huffed and puffed on Twitter for 24 whole hours, and he yelled at reporters like Sopan Deb of CBS and Maggie Haberman of the New York Times, asserting time and time again that he was only there for a quick meeting, that he was dressed in “street clothes” (like a hooker?) and not in the proper black-tie attire for the event, and that he in no uncertain terms did NOT end up going back to one of the resort’s private cottages afterward with Eric and Donald Jr. to smoke reefer and fap to dad’s old issues of Penthouse.

OK BRO, WE GET IT, STOP CRYING.

And the good news is that he did! A quick check of J-Scar’s Twitter feed for Monday night shows that he’s gotten his chakras realigned, maybe Mika gave him a little rub-rub (ON HIS BACK, YOU PERVS) and he is back to normal. Sure, Joe wrote an op-ed in the Washington Post wherein he cried a bit more about how everybody was being mean to him, and claimed he met Fabio at Trump’s party and didn’t even know who Fabio was, which means Joe either hasn’t been reading his trash sexxx romance novels for the past 20 years (unlikely!) or he is a big liar. And he did a big interview with CNN Money about how everybody is doing DOUBLE STANDARDS to him, because he’s friends with Orange Hitler, a man severely unqualified for the presidency of the nation he seems hellbent on destroying.

But anyway, all better now.

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COUNTDOWN, you say? Was Joe doing a countdown, perhaps of music tunes? Because we hate to say it, because it bugs us, but he has fabulous taste in music, and maybe if he realizes what a shitty political hack he is someday, he could go work for Rolling Stone or something. So coming in at number THREE:

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GREAT SONG!

On with the countdown? Alas no. He posted one other Wilco song (AN EVEN BETTER ONE) and then probably saw something shiny (Mika????) and quit.

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SO GOOD. (Yes, you can call this a Wilco dance party if you want to, because why not?)

In the middle of Joe’s 24-hour cry-fest, he posted a couple Radiohead songs, but he didn’t seem to be numbering them, so we guess he was trying to make a “joke” about resuming his countdown.

Also, during his newfound zen on Monday night, J-Scar breathed a huge sigh of relief when he heard his BFF Queen Elizabeth is feeling better, as she had been a bit under the weather lately:

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Awwwww.

We are glad our Joe Scarborough has ceased crying about things, and now is just back to being a weird Republican dingus who advises Trump while pretending to be a Serious Political Analyst, and then goes home (TO MIKA???) to listen to badass music and fall asleep with sweet feelings about the British monarch in his heart.

(WITH MIKA?)

We probably won’t make checking Joe Scarborough’s Twitter feed into a daily post, unless we do, in which case deal with it.

[Joe’s Twitter]

Source: Politics – Wonkette

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