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Erik Prince Congressional Testimony Conclusively Proves He’s Full-Of-Shit, Also An Asshole

Full of shit.

So many batshit Congressional testimonies lately! So many Trumps and Trump associates fuckin’ themselves right in the gourds, by opening their mouths! Now it is time to read the transcript of Betsy DeVos’s little brother Erik Prince, the sexxxy sadistic Jesus-boner who founded Blackwater, telling the House Intelligence Committee a whole buncha horseshit.

The other day, we learned more about Prince’s mysterious January 2017 trip to Seychelles, as an unofficial representative of the Trump campaign, to meet with the crown prince of Abu Dhabi and a Russian guy who just HAPPENS to control a massive Kremlin-linked investment fund. (Prince denies he went there to meet with the Russian, says he only talked to the Russian for “one beer,” and moreover says he’s never met any lady named “Seychelles.”)

Meanwhile, we’ve also just learned that literal actual foreign agent Michael Flynn, who lied about discussing sanctions with the Russian ambassador, spent Trump’s inauguration speech jizz-texting gleefully about all the $ $ $ $ AMEROS$ $ $ $ he and his grifter buddies (some Americans, some Russians, the Russian government) were about to make by stealing the Middle East’s resources, because Trump was going to make sure the Russian sanctions were “ripped up.”

In our piece on Prince the other day, we wildly speculated that maybe Erik Prince talked to his new Russian buddy Kirill Dmitriev about sanctions. Everybody else was!

Let’s go to the transcript:

MOTHERFUCKER ADMITTED IT IN THE FIRST EIGHT MINUTES OF HIS TESTIMONY. In case you don’t see it, “normal trade relations” would require getting rid of … SANCTIONS! And Prince was like, “if Roosevelt could work with Stalin, certainly Trump can make love with Vladimir Putin like he does all the time anyway!”

Jesus Christ.

Prince says he met with the guy because his Emirati pals said he should, since the Russian was there to visit with them too. What a lucky duck that the sheik’s people invited them both to Seychelles at the same time! Erik Prince’s God works in mysterious ways.

And how did Prince’s rendezvous with the Russian come about? It was totally chill, bro! One of the sheik’s brothers told him to go meet the guy, but didn’t personally introduce them. Said he’d be in the bar. So Erik Prince had dinner (he thinks he was by himself), then he went to the bar and asked Jeeves to find a picture of the guy, because the last thing you want to do in Seychelles is start hitting on the wrong Russian dude. (Literally he says he Googled the guy’s picture.) He thinks they were alone, but maybe the Russian’s wife was there. He can’t remember. “I think she was there for the first few minutes, and then she left.” Who the fuck knows? Not Erik Prince.

After his ONE BEER WITH THE RUSSIAN, he said “Seacrest out!” and went to the gym, to tone his sexxx body. He remembers that part!

Erik Prince has a logical zinger to throw at us about why, if there was collusion between the Trump campaign and the Russian government to steal the election, it doesn’t make sense that his meeting two months later would matter:

Dunno, sweetcheeks, maybe the Russian campaign to elect Trump was part of a larger conspiracy, and not just a one-off favor for President Pussgrab. Is Erik Prince currently participating in any sort of conspiracy like that? Erik Prince does not remember.

Regardless, Prince is very mad the Washington Post broke the story about him going to Seychelles to sexxx up a Russian in a hotel bar for no reason. That means he was UNMASKED and there was a BAD LEAKER who BAD LEAKED HIM:

Well, if Erik Prince has an issue with that, he should file a complaint with Rep. Devin Nunes, the Trump-licking twit who traveled in the night from the White House across a whole desert to the other side of the White House to tell the White House top secret intelligence about unmasking he learned from the White House.

Oh wait, Erik Prince did go to Devin Nunes to bitch about that, in advance of his testimony to the House Intelligence Committee in the Russia investigation Chairman Nunes is supposedly recused from? Holy shit, dude:

Prince says actually he did that meeting with Devin Nunes to talk about Afghanistan (where Prince wants to set up his own private murder colony of mercenaries), but fortunately they also found time to bellyache together about UNMASKING and LEAKERS. Indeed, Prince says he has pals who have ROCK HARD EVIDENCE that SUSAN RICE and SAMANTHA POWER did bad unmasking at him, but he can’t say who, because that’s a secret. BENGHAZI!!111!!! PIZZAGATE!!!!!1!!

Prince testified that he doesn’t remember whether anybody told him Trump campaign people met in December 2016 with the very same Emirati sheik he met with, just one month before his Seychelles trip, saying he simply read about it in the newspaper. Eight seconds later (give or take), Prince added that LOL Steve Bannon told him about it, but he doesn’t remember when or where or why or what they were wearing at the time. “It could’ve been in an office. It could have been in a restaurant.” IT COULD HAVE HAPPENED INSIDE THEIR HEARTS.

Hey, Erik Prince, did the campaign tell you they were barebacking with the Russians? Prince has no fucking clue whether they told him that, and adds that definitely they did not:

The committee had many other questions about many other Russian meetings and Russian contacts, none of which Erik Prince remembers. We would go down the rabbit hole to learn more about them, but fuck that, it’s almost Friday.

Toward the end of the testimony, Prince decided he had had ENOUGH of this quote unquote “testifying to Congress”:

MEOW HISS SCRATCH! Oh man, Congressional committees just love being treated like that. Plus too:

IN SUMMARY AND IN CONCLUSION: Erik Prince, an all around asshole, is full of shit. We don’t know for sure whether he perjured himself to Congress, but when/if/when we find out he did, we SWEAR to look surprised.

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[Prince transcript]

Source: Politics – Wonkette

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