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Donald Trump Not The Messiah, He’s A Very Naughty Boy

The Yoogest Story Ever Told
The similarity is uncanny

Exciting news, America! As if the Cubs winning the World Series weren’t confirmation enough that the End Of Days is at hand, we now have confirmation from a genuine TV preacher that the election of Donald Trump has brought our world one step closer to the end, because Donald Trump is probably the Messiah or at least the Messiah’s Advance Man. Now, this is coming from a Christian dude named Tom Horn, via Jim “Yes I’m Still Alive” Bakker, who somehow still has a teevee show on the seldom-watched parts of the cable/satellite/streaming media ecosystem. This makes perfect sense, in keeping with the Bible verse regarding the Second Coming, “About that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, but will you get a load of that guy’s hair?” Let’s watch!

“They’re looking at Donald Trump” as the messiah, Horn said of “the rabbis,” saying that Trump’s name “actually means ‘messiah.’”

We’re not entirely certain about Pastor Horn’s entomology, there. It may be a bit buggy:

trump-british-slang

Horn is pretty sure that “the rabbis over there” are quite certain Donald Trump is here to bring about the end of the world, which is we guess something rabbis would be looking forward to, so that some fraction of the Jews can accept Jebus and then the rest will go straight to hell like End Timesers say they have to. And we know it’s going to happen, because Horn has news clippings from his own End Times newspapers to prove it!

Like any good End Times prophet, Horn hedges his bets a tad, because if you get too specific about the actual date, it comes and goes and everybody gets pissed off at you for making them sell all their stuff. So he says it’s possible that Trump’s only a John The Baptist figure whose arrival presages the actual Messiah, and his inauguration will begin the “countdown to the appearance of the messiah.” Who will be named Brian. Horn ought to know who the messiah is, god knows he’s followed enough of them.

He also notes that the Antichrist is just about ready to arrive, too, although Horn is quite certain that’s not Trump. He wouldn’t say for sure who that might be, not even that Obama fellow, who we guess is passe.

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The one mystery to us is why all these fundagelicals are so excited about the prospect that Donald Trump might be the Messiah, since unless we really misread our basic Christian theology, that was supposed to be Jebus, wasn’t it? Ergo, Jim Bakker, Tom Horn, and everyone on this stupid TV show is a heretic, and should be either burned at the stake or stoned.

That latter might explain a lot, actually.

[RightWingWatch]

Source: Politics – Wonkette

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